Quick Rapport - Theory and Techniques
"There are specific skills you can learn that enhance rapport and increase your effectiveness as a communicator (Therapist, coach, interviewer, questioner, investigator, fact finder, presenter, educator, trainer…) With the 'Quick Rapport' knowledge resources, you can learn the theory, skills and techniques which will help you to access a person’s; model of the world, thinking strategies, his strengths or weaknesses, gain his confidence and co-operation for the achievement of a successful outcome"
Skills and Techniques
Presented by: Shev Gul BSc, NLP Master Practitioner, Sports and Life Coach
CPD course specific for Law Students, Barristers, Solicitors, Politicians, Police Force, Social Services, Health Services, Public Relations, Education and Corporate Training.
“Rapport is the shortest line leading to an effective understanding between two persons”….sg
“Good communication is getting the intended response“
“Rapport is, travelling down the same road” or, “Being on the same wavelength”
“Rapport is a process of relating that makes relating possible”
“Without rapport, relationships and results are pretty hard to come by”
“In business, as in life, where there is no rapport there is no sale”
“The key to a person’s heart and mind is through a good rapport”
“Leadership, excellence and full-expression are the result of relationships that are rich in high rapport”
Rapport is a naturally occurring dance that happens when people meet. It is a way of harmonising mind-body energies and natural rhythms (body, breathing, voice movements, language and feelings etc). This creates a sense of acknowledgement, attraction and warmth at the subconscious-OTC level. It helps to promote trust and comfort between people and groups.
Rapport is fundamental to effective communication. It can be thought of as occurring naturally and spontaneously. There are specific skills you can learn that enhance rapport and increase your effectiveness as a communicator (interviewer, questioner, investigator, fact finder, presenter, educator).
You can refine your rapport skills by paying attention to how you meet the other person. It helps you to meet people in their personal domain, model or map of the world-how they experience the reality. Rapport skills teach you how to match your communication to the way the other person takes in information. It increases the chances that the message you send is the one you have intended them to receive.
Subjective experience (what we perceive and feel) has a form and order, which can be detected through the verbal and non-verbal language. Selection of the words used is a subconscious process. Listening to your client’s selection of words will relieve which representational system (visual, auditory or kinaesthetic) they are processing their experience through. You gain an insight into their thinking strategy.
*Discovery quiz: Your sensory-communication channel preference (see quiz notes)
CONGRUENCY AND INCONGRUENCY:
When our physiology, and tone of voice-words are in alignment/ non-alignment with one another.
Non-verbal Body Rapport:
Patterns: thorax, mid chest, abdomen-diaphragmatic, see Shev’s A-Z breathing mind map
Observe: Shoulder up/down movements; Clothing crease movements.
- Our blood chemistry is affected by our breathing style, and since our brain is fully saturated with blood = our pattern of breathing affects our consciousness-conscious states i.e. by affecting our blood chemistry, our breathing style changes our neurology and as a result our behavioural state.
- Changes in breathing styles and patterns are good indicators of rep system cues-another way of determining which system is dominant in a person, and which system they may be accessing at any given time (visual, auditory or kinaesthetic.)
See body postures diagram
See body gestures diagram
Tone, tempo, pitch variations influenced directly by the breathing patterns change- by changes in muscle tension in the face and neck.
Eye accessing cues (see eye cues diagram). When one accesses either pictures(V), words(A), feelings(K), one uses the eyes to stimulate the corresponding areas of the brain (neurobiology). It is a subconscious action. Visual, auditory or kinaesthetic persons each have different eye patterns for accessing information.
Face skin colour, muscle tone-face and neck, pupil dilatation:
Eye scan pattern.
The model: Input Channels + Internal Rep System + Internal Processing-filters + Communication output + Feedback
Seeing, Hearing, Feeling, Smelling, Tasting - VAKOG
Use your input channels-VAKOG, to decipher verbal and non-verbal body signals. See the above list.
See Shev’s NLP model mind map
Internal representational systems:
The way we code reality- what is out there. Primary or leading representational system-our most valued VAK; Visual (pics , images). Auditory (sounds, tones). and Kinaesthetic (touch, feelings). VAKOG-sensory channels = the sum total of our experience.
Verbs, adverbs, adjectives (see the list below)
Mental processing (see example below)
Feedback loop to communication:
(see notes below)
Mirroring is the subtle, behavioural reflection of those meaningful, unconscious communications each of us offers to the attentive receiver. Its value in achieving and maintaining rapport makes it worth doing whatever is necessary to become skilled.
Mirroring is the behavioural equivalent to of agreeing with some one verbally. To mirror effectively you must be able to make refined visual and auditory distinctions regarding your own, as well as other person’s behaviour. The portions that are worth mirroring include body postures, specific gestures, breathing rhythms, facial expression, and voice tone, tempo, and intonation patterns (for mirroring technique, see notes below).
Matching, the process of generating verbal and non verbal behaviour which paces that of other person/client, is a technique for creating conscious and unconscious rapport.
When you use the technique of matching, the other person/client will have the subjective experience of being really understood. After all, you are speaking their language - verbally and nonverbally.
- To establish rapport – pacing (matching)
- To maintain rapport - leading
- To break rapport – mismatching
PACING and LEADING
The purpose of communication is to influence the other person. And to do this; 1. Pace their model of world-reality, then 2. Lead them where you want them to go Pacing other person’s strategy produces the minimum steps for rapport.
- In everyday life - human contacts
- Communication (see the communication pie - % diagram)
- Questioning, info gathering, fact finding
- Cross examining
- Finding a partner
- Selling and marketing
- Public relations
- Your preferred communication-sensory channel – Quiz (before the presentation)
- Breathing styles and patterns
- Eye accessing cues
- Congruity and Incongruity
- Matching and Mismatching
A-Z Breathing mind map
All you need to know about human breathing process and mechanics
A-Z Breathing - Mind Map
ASCA World Clinic Presentation, Florida, Sep 2005
(Sports Mind & M. Brook versions, or combo)
Eye accessing cues, see Shev’s NLP mind map diagram
A - Z NLP Mind Map
A - Z NLP Mind Map
Representational System Predicates:
Speaking the other person’s language.
People are aware of only a fraction of their visual, auditory, kinaesthetic or olfactory modes of sensory experience. The adverbs, adjectives and verbs that people select while speaking reveal which sensory system (VAKOG) they are most conscious of at a specific point in time. This class of words is known as “predicates”.
This selection of words/predicates are at OTC level i.e. free of conscious filter/censorship. In times of stress people gravitate towards their favoured representational system. One can discover which rep system a person is attending, by listening to the words he selects to describe the experience.
By tuning your ears to the predicates used, you can decipher the sensory component of a person’s experience – his ‘thinking strategy’. By matching the client’s predicates, you will end up speaking the other person’s language i.e. you have secured/established a RAPPORT.
List of typical set of predicates used from the VAK representational system:
Feeling depressed strategy (e.g. loss promotion)
Vi/c …. Vi/r …. Ki/-ve = Ai/-ve
Changing the depression strategy
Vi/c …...Ai/+ve = Ki/+ve
+ve self talk
can & will do it
steps to be taken
To begin learning how to mirror, take the time to watch other people interact. Watch children playing; observe in restaurants, meetings, and cocktail parties. Any time you are near people who are interacting, notice how much mirroring is going on. Also notice the quality of interaction that occurs whwn mirroring is absent.
After a short period of time in an observer’s position, you will know that people instinctively mirror each other. You can begin to do so deliberately to achieve specific outcomes.
Start by mirroring just one aspect of another person’s behaviour while talking to them. When this is easy, add another discreet piece-and another, and then another, until you are mirroring without thinking about it, but can consistently observe it in your behaviour in retrospect.
The communication pie - %:
Communication is the result of
10% meaning of the words-content
35% the verbal behaviour – voice, tone, pitch, volume
55% body language-breathing, posture, skin colour, movement
(Pennsylvania Uni, 1970)
Feedback in communication:
Once a person changes his behaviour (voice tone, expression, gesture, skin colour, posture etc) on the basis sensory input; one can say, the feedback have been established.
“There are specific skills you can learn that enhance rapport and increase your effectiveness as a communicator (interviewer, questioner, investigator, fact finder, presenter, educator, trainer…)
With the “Quick Rapport” knowledge resources, you can learn the theory, skills and techniques which will help you to access a person’s; model of the world, thinking strategies, his strengths or weaknesses, gain his confidence and co-operation for the achievement of a successful outcome.”
Through creative and fun group exercises, you can discover your and others natural-preferred;
*use of language,
*eye movement cues
*body posture and gesture,
*behavior traits etc.
Which are essential tools in learning the skills and techniques in the art of the “quick rapport” establishment.